Posts tagged empty

This was me waking up this morning…

Opening my eyes, “I’m fine” I say.
As my feet hit the floor an overwhelming feeling of hopelessness and worthlessness consumed me. I gasped for air and try to hang on to my bed before falling to the floor. Shuddering I cry out screaming for someone. Anyone. 
Sobbing I push myself up and stagger to the bathroom. Stripping my clothes off like they were a disease. Horrified at my endless sobs and self foreboding doom I crank the water on thinking it would make it stop. In vain. I collapse once more to my knees everything going pitch black.

Coming to my senses I turn off the water and climb out of the shower. My chest racking with more wails and sobs. Making it to my room I lay in bed….pull the covers over my head…and scream all my hate, fear, and emptiness into my pillow.

I had another episode ( I don’t know what to call it? Panic attack?) as I got home from work. Changing from work uniform to PJ’s it came back. I told myself NO! but it wouldn’t stop. I ran around turning on all the lights like a psycho, sobbing and afraid.  

I just need a friend. I need someone to hold my hand…I need help. I’m scared. Terrified. I don’t want to be like this anymore. I’m sick. I am.

Someone please?